Week 6

[Nicole Schaffrich]

Hi, Diary Room! Long time no talk!
Okay, first of all, let me repeatedly slam my face into my lovely iMac (named Anderson Cooper...because it's silver and sexy). I can't believe how stupid I am for losing the HoH competition over a post modification. When I finished the competition, I thought I did fairly well but I didn't think I'd won. The highest possible score I could have feasibly imagined was 30: one post every two seconds. And while I thought 20 was a good score, I was fairly certain there would be at least one person who performed better than I did. Then, when I saw the results…I basically shat myself and sat in it for a while while I re-read everything. I blew these other houseguests out of the water!!! And if not for my total image-posting incompetence, I would be Head of Household right now. Vergognati, Nicole.

("Vergognati," in Italian, translates roughly to "shame on you," but in a more humorous way. It's almost like saying, "But aren't you embarrassed?" That was your Italian lesson for today. Feel free to put in any translation requests; I'll be here aaaaalll season. )

Anyway, technicality or not, I lost the HoH competition and it was my own fault. But on the very bright side, my fellow Cougar and all-around classy lady Renny finally became Head of Household, which means I'm safe for another week. She's continuing to carry out the long-term plan of the Foxy Five, which is to eliminate Parker, then Steven, and then Dustin. I have been, yet again, been chosen to compete in the Power of Veto competition, as I have been every week this season. How many of those have I won? Oh right...zero! I'm pretty sure I have the absolute worst win-loss record of anyone left in the house; I've played in every single competition and haven't won a single one of them.

That leads me to my next point. I'm beginning to hate the kind of game I'm playing. I'm trying to play a great social game and I believe I've been largely successful (though, admittedly, not as successful as some others). But as far as competitions go, I blow! (And not in the way that I would prefer to, if you know what I mean, boys.) Am I a total floater? I have to admit April's accusation is starting to get under skin. I know I'm working my ass off, I know that I'm putting tons of effort into this game...but is that obvious to the other houseguests? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, do you or your mother give a fuck? (Okay, that's not quite the expression but you know what I mean.)

Maybe this has pros as well as cons. On the one hand, maybe this ultimate useless floater strategy will make me an ideal candidate to bring to the final two. Maybe people perceive me as the kind of player who will guarantee them a win because I'm not such an aggressive player (and my sole big move in Round 2 has been long forgotten), and so they'll help pave my way to the finale. It's a possibility, I suppose. But the con side of the argument seems to be somewhat heavier. Eventually, people will start believing that I don't deserve to be playing. And if I do make it to the final two, who the hell will vote for me unless I start doing things to distinguish myself? I have to think long and hard about where to go from here. What I can promise, though, is this: I definitely have some tricks up my sleeve; I'm just waiting for the right time and the right place.

Finally, a point on Parker choosing me to play in the Veto. While I certainly appreciate it (because now I have a vested interest in seeing how many consecutive competitions I can lose…just kidding), he was also sure to send me a PM essentially begging me to use the Veto on him if I win. The cynic in me suspects he chose me because I've been sucking (again, not the way you or I would prefer, boys) in every competition. But the realist in me understands that Parker has burned almost all his bridges…and now he's swinging over the opening of the volcano as he tries to rebuild mine. I'll entertain Parker's pleading and I'll use this vulnerability to manoeuvre as much information from his mouth as possible. I'll offer him a deal of full disclosure in exchange for the Veto and see what he says. If he takes the offer and tells me the truth, who knows? Maybe I might consider using the Veto after all. But if he tells me even the faintest white lie that goes against the things I already know he's said, then that bridge is burned for good and Parker is plunging straight down in to the flames. Sorry kiddo; I tried with you and I tried hard. Sometimes, it's too little. Sometimes, it's too late. This time, it's both.

[Nicole Schaffrich]

Can I just say...I re-read my last confessional and have no idea what the hell I was talking about. The random volcano imagery...? Wow. Yeah, I was really tired; don't judge me.

[Nicole Schaffrich]

I won the Power of Veto! Yeah mofuggaaaaa!!!! Finally, I won a competition, I earned it, I kicked butt, all that good stuff, and it came at a great time. I needed the PoV to put myself in a position of power that I squandered when I held the DPoV. I don't regret that decision; in fact, I think I pulled the trigger on what was basically a revolution in the Big Brother Recycled house. But I should have taken advantage of that power while I had it. I should have asked people more questions and used my power to glean information. After winning the Veto last night, I decided that that's what I needed to do.

When Enzo announced that I won (which was the cherry on top of my victory sundae ), Parker messaged me privately yet again to say that he'd like to take me up on my offer and talk about it. I signed on to AIM to see both Steven and Parker online. I received a message almost instantly from Steven. Parker, on the other hand, didn't even say hello. Now, I don't want to sound self-entitled, but if Parker wants to convince me to use the Veto on him, shouldn't he, at the very least, take the initiave to message me instead of waiting for me to approach him? I waited patiently until realizing that he didn't plan on messaging me at all. So, in keeping with a disturbing trend in our so-called friendship, I initiated the conversation. Then, his wonderfully craft way, Parker brings up the Veto by saying, "So..." Really? Really, Parker? "So..."? Again, I took the lead and said that it would take some serious convincing for me to feel comfortable using the Veto on him. And then I finally got what I wanted. Parker fed me the largest bullshit sandwich I've ever seen, which was all I needed to stop feeling bad about sealing his fate. (Direct quotes coming soon; I'm at work right now and have our conversation saved on my home computer.) But to paraphrase, Parker assured me that he's had my back from the start of the game and that I was his number one. I'm not sure why he would expect me to believe that, but that was his claim nonetheless. He then proceeded to tell me that Renny and Porsche are an obvious pair who are running this game and will run through everyone until they make it to the final two. And finally (and this is one of my favourite parts), he said that he wanted to target Porsche and Renny in order to give an underdog like me the chance to win. Chivalry loves on, I see. Give me a fucking break. Little does Parker know that I was working with Porsche and Renny separately before even they were working together. I may not be the best social player or the best competitor, but I really do believe I have a done an excellent job of situating myself in a consistent place of relative safety. The only times I've done something that might make someone an enemy, they've been evicted in the same week. I've been looking after myself really well. Does that make me a floater (in April's words)? I hope not, because I've been playing my ass off.

Ultimately, I decided not to the use the Power of Veto because I want Parker gone. I know that he suggested targetting me because of Jordan's evictions, and he basically spat in my face halfway through the game by pretending I didn't exist. That doesn't sit well with me at all. Like I said at the Veto meeting, everything comes down to respect. This is a game and there will only be one winner. I won't hold any game decisions against anyone and I will never take in-game events personally, but if you offend me personally, then it's done. I've been respectful to everyone in this game and I expect the same in return. That's just how I was raised.

That being said, Parker asking to be evicted just annoys me. What happened to competitive spirit in this game? Annie walks, Parker asks to be eliminated. I wish people could be better sports; it's so disappointing to play any game when people aren't participating at their fullest capacity. Oh well. He was going to evicted this week anyway, if I had anything to say about it. In the meantime, I will confess that what Parker said about Porsche has resonated with me to a certain extent. I can acknowledge that Porsche is playing one of the best games in the house and will be a huge threat to me actually winning the game. I wouldn't be able to beat her in the final two; she's simply more social and a better competitor. Does that mean I'm going to spin around and target her right now? No way; the Foxy Five still have work to do. Once we're in the final five, we'll see what happens.